Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in beccacat's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, July 25th, 2009
12:55 am	thank you so much thank you, dear, lovely people for the kind words. you don't know how they have helped. i was about to do something stupid at least twice in the last 48 hours, and knowing you are out there thinking of me & wanting to help me bear up & be strong has helped me stay the course both times. so thank you again. i don't know if it's entirely the same as telling them yourself, but sending good, healing vibes out there into the universe to and for someone whom you really should not actually talk to is kind of a good thing, right? it doesn't make up for everything maybe you've done wrong, but it maybe prevents you from causing more hurt... at least for that person anyway. i'm kind of down with the idea that everything is in some way connected, b/c how could it not be, so maybe what has happened to my relationship is my karma coming back to roost, even though it's been years, and i guess i deserve that. so it's best i check myself & try to be the better person i want to be, but sometimes it's difficult, esp. after a couple of glasses of wine, when my brain starts bargaining with itself, so i feel lucky to have been able to karmically lean on all of you for a little while. thank you. ...the night passes more slowly when you aren't able to comfort yourself. so that's how that's going... Current Mood: low Current Music: death cab for cutie--where soul meets body (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 20th, 2009
10:49 pm	now taking suggestions... ...for overcoming the worst possible heartbreak one can imagine. thoughts, anyone? it's been almost 2 months now since j & i broke up, & i've been going crazy in circles trying to figure out what the hell to do with myself. i've been burying my nose in work & holing up like a hermit in my house, barring going to practice or trying to shop my way out of it (verdict? not working)... i went back to ohio to visit my family for 2 full weeks, trying to take a break from the daily grind & trying to recuperate while getting some sense of who i am & where i came from as a way of getting perspective on where i've been & where i'm going, or at least, not being alone every evening & having other people around to help me find activities to pass the time (verdict? surprisingly effective, until i came back home, that is... there don't seem likely to be any long-lingering benefits). basically, i'm vacillating back & forth between trying to brace myself from the impending results of a free-fall and just trying to sit quiet & small & not do anything stupid (like making any major decisions to move away or placing any drunken phone calls to any number of various old flames or sending any humiliating emails to j) and wait for something to light a spark. i feel like i don't know how to feel--it's a mixed bag of anger, grief, regret, sorrow, confusion, resentment, exhaustion, and bleak, black self-deprecating wry humor. you know, all the usual post-breakup self-doubt, the details of which i won't bore anyone with here. i just can't get myself together to get myself together. i'm prob'ly going to fall on my ass tomorrow night in the 100 degree heat at practice b/c i can't seem to stick to any kind of normal eating/sleeping routine... i hope not, b/c physical activity is one of the only things that seems to help a little bit. if only i could muster up the energy to pursue it every day. ok, enough sad sack self-pitying. seriously, anyone got any bright ideas on productive ways to occupy oneself until you're ready to ride the wave of socializing again? (besides spending craploads of money, which, while amusing in the short-term, seems especially self-indulgent considering the potentially precipitous nature of any one's livelihood these days.) it would be fantastic to feel better about myself at the conclusion, but i'll settle for not feeling any worse... Current Mood: down Current Music: coldplay-viva la vida (internal) (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
10:12 pm	curse you, red baron! and you too, directv... how can you shut down on me just when i sit down to watch the season premiere of true blood?! (yes, i know it was on sunday night, but i had family in town & we were out & about playing cards & socializing w/friends...) now i have to wait for a man to come by 2 days from now (after begging one of my friends to come by & wait for him b/c i am stuck in all-day card sort analysis meetings for the rest of the week), just for the privilege of paying an extra $50 for an upgrade to a DVR & hoping he makes everything work again before i get home. if you've seen it, don't tell me what happened--i want to enjoy an unspoiled squee over it, whenever it finally gets here. in other news, my bro & sister-in-law took me geocaching for the first time this weekend. it was quite an adventure, even before we ran into the nice mormon boy & girl on a first date riding the the national forest service road behind bogus basin which resulted in an accident in which she flew over the handlebars, yielding a broken arm, me calling 911 to get a lifeflight arranged to take her to the hospital, transporting the paramedics to her on an ATV, and same said paramedics using my treasure valley roller girls shirt as a sling to keep her shoulder immobilized for the transport. oh, and did i mention we used the back half of my car as a quasi-ambulance? who knew geocaching was such an extreme sport? (and yes, i know what you're all thinking--and no, i'm not suddenly all that outdoorsy. but this is puzzle-solving. puzzles are fun. hiking with no purpose? yawn. hiking with a puzzle to solve? that is awesome... though not as awesome as it would be IF ONLY I COULD WATCH TRUE BLOOD RIGHT NOW...) Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: the true blood theme song (internal) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
11:16 pm	WTF?!?! i don't know how i came across this, but i wish i could put it back into the part of the universe i didn't know about RIGHT NOW. also, please note the price. http://www.after5catalog.com/beer-box-cowboy-hat-coors-lightsilver-bullet-p-1076.html?cPath=17_19&utm_term=Beer+Box+Cowboy+Hat+-+Coors+Light%2FSilver+Bullet&utm_source=FindGift&utm_medium=Shopping+Portal&utm_campaign=A5C ...there are no words. Current Mood: weeping for humanity Current Music: standing outside a broken phone booth with money in my hand (internal) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
2:07 am	an open letter to san diego dear san diego, your city is by turns charming, gorgeous and captivating. that said--and understand this comes with all the love and admiration in my heart--please learn to park before the next time i come to visit. thanks and thanks again, ~rt~ Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: there's some kind of fan on, i think (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 16th, 2009
2:24 pm	from the 'giving me a complex' desk... ...the dental hygienist today told me i 'do a good job balancing my male & female sides.' i don't even know what to say about that. it becomes more baffling when you find out that this is only the 2nd time i've ever met her (tuesday being the 1st) and how much talking can you really do with a hygienist, a person whose primary job activity involves sticking sharp objects in your mouth. so is she absorbing this from my general appearance? the inside of my mouth? and here i thought i was kind of making strides in this area... Current Mood: awake Current Music: some stupid laughing about a track meet in the next cube (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
9:36 pm	i'm a little proud of all of us tonight... wow. yay! wow. i can't remember the last time i felt this way... 1992, i believe. such a long time between elation. be proud of each other tonight, americans, and yourselves. Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: msnbc chattering on (2 Comments |Comment on this)
8:05 pm	yeah, baby i *SO* wish i were in chicago right now... i would be in grant park with all the other crazy idealists... i'm actually this close to crying about it right now... oh, and go ohio!! Current Mood: wistful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
12:06 am	this. that. the other. so sporadic, aren't i? in the last 10 days, i've been zip-lining (EXCELLENT!!) w/j, and then visiting my best friend in nashville to help her set up her nursery. she & her husband are doing an international adoption, so they don't know exactly when to expect their little sprout, so they need to be ready for whenever it happens. i want to throw a baby shower, but them being in nashville & me here, logistics are not on my side. and if it happens during the holidays, getting there to do it may be hard. plus they're not entirely clued in to what they need yet, so it's hard to plan. so anyway, we made some decisions about carpeting & wallpaper for the badly-behaved wall (that peels paint, even though the others don't) that can be painted, and stripped off with a simple tug at the corner, leaving no residue behind--how cool is that? we also bought paint & started painting a cool old 6-paned window she is going to hang in the room & somehow affix pix of ethiopia to, so it functions like a picture frame--it was way cool! we also started doing some color field painting on, and another which we did some printmaking on, using leaves & branches & flowers & other planty stuff from her backyard & flowerbeds. i have to say, it was REALLY fun & REALLY cool & we just do great synthesis together. when i'm doing these kinds of things with her, sometimes i think i could even do art or make stuff, maybe for my own place, maybe for other people, maybe even that someone might want to buy... crazy, right? and then i get back home and it's like i'm the same old inartistic dolt i've always been & the thought seems like little more than a dream. i'm not saying i'm thinking i could be another picasso or someone, but it would be cool to create something where there wasn't anything before... in a manner of speaking of course. i've also been to a good-bye party for a friend who is moving to eugene, oregon for graduate school, which was sad-but-happy... though the bar we went to didn't have my favorite martini of theirs, the glamaretto (a blissfully sweet-tangy champagne-amaretto concoction) & 2 of my favorite people let me know last night have decided they're not up to coming to my party on saturday :( and the person on craigslist who was going to sell me tix to see lyle lovett tonight screwed me by selling them to someone else when i was out of town... grrrrr! and, my leg swelled up from flying all over hell's halfacre, so i couldn't go to practice yesterday night before the goodbye shindig... but bad stuff happens in 3's, right? and this is all relatively minor, in the grand scheme of things, so i can't get overly worked up, even though i'm bumming. i'm still excited about my party idea, but when some of my really good friends can't come, it kind of saps my enthusiasm a bit... meh... so i'm trying to take solace in the fact that i'm back from vacation (*sigh*) and drowning in work by riding my new cruiser around--i LOVE my bike!! it's so pretty!! it's girly but still me. and you know, as not too many things in the world fit that description, it's a good thing. now if only i could get everything organdized for the party on saturday before i pass out this week, and maybe life will be pretty okay for this week. Current Mood: meh Current Music: the x-files is on in the background (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 11th, 2008
1:11 am	oh, and btw... ...one more thing. i cannot begin to express my excitement, and, ahem, excitement, at the resurgence of robert downey, jr's career. not to be in any way disrespectful of j, and hoping i'm not coming off as one of those icky, shallow, objectifying fan-girls... but oh. my. god. all i can say, really, without causing a stir, is, 'thank you, universe. you sure knew what you were doing on that one.' oh, and, 'yum... just yum.' *sigh* Current Mood: pointedly distracted Current Music: yes, more 'x-files' (1 Comment |Comment on this)
12:30 am	explainy, anyone? what is my fascination with the deadliest catch? oh, you want context? ahem. so, j & i tried to have a mini getaway hagerman, id (population ~700 souls, thank you very much) 2 or 3 weekends ago, to tromp around the hagerman fossil beds national monument for the afternoon, & then enjoy a special romantical evening--private pool, candlelight, music, massage oil, moonlight, stars & pine trees--at the miracle hot springs nearby. however, due to j's just getting over a bad summer flu (102+ degree fever, stuck in bed for 3 days, horrible aches & coughing), we didn't spend hours out in the hot, dusty 97-degrees-in-the-shade-which-by-the-way-there-isn't-any-anyway-so-forget-what-comfort-it-could-offer fossil beds, but instead, post-poned our drive out there by a few hours, got in around dinner time, and after having dinner out & walking around a bit, had some time to kill in our hotel room before heading over to the hot springs. during that time, we happened to be flipping through the cable stations & came upon 'the deadliest catch' & not having found anything better, and liking to learn stuff, watched a few minutes, then a few minutes more, and then a few more, until an hour had passed before i knew it. and now, i don't know why, as it isn't really typically my kind of show, but for the past few weeks, if i see it on the schedule while i'm dinking around dial, i can't turn it off. i'm not even their target audience, so i don't get it at all. it sure is making me more closely consider my love of crab--i don't know that i'll stop eating it (on the few occasions a year it happens, that is) but i won't be quite so annoyed at the price anymore. meanwhile, in other news, i'm having a super hero/super villain party in 2 weeks (july 26th) so if anyone has an inner super-being & feels like traveling to boise, i'd love to see you. i'll be a villain myself; i'm just trying to decide which of my alter-egos i want to go with... anyone want to weigh in with ideas for truly-rebecca quirks or traits or talents that i could make into a super-power? i was going to go with 'the snark' or something similar, and make nasty, cutting comments about people all evening long, but i scrapped that b/c, while it might be all in good fun for the night, i don't want to wake up the next day thinking that all of my friends hate my guts. even a teasing insult is still an insult, after all, right? and there are more than a few of my friends i would be hard-pressed to find something about which to snark. snarking it seems, is best aimed at one's non-friends. and so i moved on from that. currently i am thinking about some kind of vicious baker who lures people in with the promise of sweets & then catches them up in a giant carnivorous cookie dough ball or something, but wouldn't you know it, i'm rather sick myself these days, and my head is doing that extremely annoying constant ear-popping/re-pressurizing thing, and so, seems to be cutting off access to my creative cells, thereby stopping me from going anywhere else, or further developing this idea... so i'm open to YOUR thoughts & creative ideas. maybe my own brain will wake up less stuffy tomorrow... one can only hope... Current Mood: thinky Current Music: x-files is on in the background, somewhere (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 26th, 2008
4:47 pm	back to it back in the office today for the 1st time since the injury. la-dee-freakin'-da, as someone wiser than me once said. had to come in to print out the expense report for my trip 2 weeks ago so HP pays amex on time. ratsafratsarazzafruzza... whatever. though i was surprised to find a little xmas gift sitting on the table in my cube waiting for me. my colleague sharon had sent me a little gift-boxed assortment of nostalgic candy that i never had a chance to get as i didn't come back into the office btwn my xmas break & my leg break. ;) i had a bunch of annoying meetings this afternoon, and it made it easier to get through them sucking on a sugar daddy sucker and some tootsie rolls. though there is some scary stuff in there too--wax lips? candy cigarettes? walnettos??? and what exactly is a chick-o-stick?!?!?! chicken-based candy? really? i am afraid to find out, but if you are unable to quell your curiosity, the atkinson candy company in beautiful lufkin, texas, can supply you with some. igggghhhh. you let me know how that is, ok? going to the 1st idaho shakespear festival tonight--all's well that ends well. i've never seen this one performed, so i'm hoping it's good. they're only doing 2 actual shakespeare plays (out of 5 total) this year, but the other is the scottish play, so i am TOTALLY excited for that one too!! hopefully, this will make up for having to crawl around on the floor on my half-numb knees today to set up my new laptop docking station, b/c we NO LONGER HAVE DESKSIDE SUPPORT to help with those kinds of things. glad i didn't need to be dressed professionally for any reason. maybe the exec's just get some kind of cheap thrill watching all of us ants in the security cameras demean ourselves by crawling around under our desks trying to attach cables & wires & generally costing the company a crapload more money to that kind of thing per hour than anyone whose primary job function it would be. not to sound elitist--i am actually trying to say that support people actually perform a much needed, very valuable function, and if they could also get paid more to do it, i would heartily support that change in policy. but in the meantime, is this kind of forced labor really the most productive way to spend that hour's worth of my salary? again, i say to you, whatever. oh well, at least i have candy dots & bit-0-honeys to look forward to the next time i am here. take that, hp! (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 5th, 2008
12:15 pm	the good, the bad, the ugly things i am happy about today: 1. obama has enough delegates for the nomination 2. x-rays today show i can begin skating again--YAY!! 3. i may work on projects for hp.com starting in the next couple of months--and possibly even extending into next year!! 4. i have a new pink t-shirt & i am wearing the hell out of it 5. my hair is officially longer than it has been since i was about 10 years old 6. our broccoli is growing florets like crazy--yay for fresh, home-grown, broccoli soup 7. i love my pleo: check him out!! (surprise: programming this little guy is j's new job!!) things i am not happy about today: 1. watching 'recount' made me cry. not that the movie was bad--although i can't see it winning any emmy's--but that our government was usurped & our judicial system enabled it 2. will it ever get--and stay--warm & sunny this summer? it's been gloomy, overcast & ~65-70 degrees for the last 3 weeks, minus one weekend of 98 degree heat. it's starting to bring me down. 3. sitting on the couch for 3.5 months has given me a bit of a tummy. i had to buy new shorts... here's hoping i can resume activity to levels that it goes away soon. 4. have to go to california for work next week. boo! hiss! 5. i have 7 meetings today--i want to tear my gen X hair out. 6. i seem to have lost my headset--now i have to spend a full 6 hours w/the phone cradled in the crook of my neck--grrrr!! Current Mood: ambivalent Current Music: death cab for cutie (internal) (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
11:20 pm	*big sigh* things that make me sad tonight: hearing U2 on the classic rock station (*sigh*) lewis black's new tv show (what is going ON there?!) the reception newt gingrich got on 'the daily show' from the audience the return to overnight lows hovering around 32 degrees here after a single nice day this weekend... i'm sure there are more, but i'm already too disaffected for one day... Current Mood: glum Current Music: jon stewart interviewing newt gingrich (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
7:55 pm	note to all restaurants i may ever eat in dear restaurants everywhere, invest in a simple web site. put your menu online. that is all. thanks ever so much, ~me~ Current Mood: annoyed (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 8th, 2008
7:00 pm	gardening so, i know it's early in spring & all, at least it is up here in idaho yet, but i have a word of advice for the entrepreneurial among us... if you're going to post signs out in your front yard making yourself available *for hire* for yard work, lawn care or gardening, your lawn better look pretty nice, imho. if you haven't had the time to spruce it up yet this year, by all means, take the sign down. in other completely unrelated news that also causes me chagrin, i have just eaten the last of this year's crop of cadbury eggs. (thank goodness cherry season is coming--i need my cyclical treats to look forward to.) Current Mood: meh Current Music: j's methodical typing, somewhere over towards the kitchen... (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 6th, 2008
5:47 pm	red letter day to the tune of 'i can fly' (from peter pan): i can drive, i can drive, i can drive! two physical therapy appts last week, and a bunch of at-home practice means i can keep my knee in the right position for driving long enough that i can sit down & drive! me so happy. me feel free (well, except for the overtime i'm about to put in at home for the next 3 hours). i'm not 100% better yet, but i am putting some weight on my leg & doing stretches & things to bring back range of motion. i'm also allowed to ride the recumbent bike, though just for short amounts of time (right now less than 10 minutes at a sitting), but i'm hoping she says i can move up to 15 minutes at this week's appointments. which will be nice, considering i've been sitting on the couch for 3 straight months. i've prob'ly picked up a jeans size, but i wouldn't know yet, as i've only been wearing pull-on bottoms (sweatpants, yoga pants, simple knit jersey skirts & gauchos. oh and a couple pairs of lounging shorts...)b/c none of those need to be tucked into the boot. which i am not wearing around the house any more. unless my leg hurts from a little too much exercise (trying to get back range of motion in one's ankle, for instance, is somewhat challenging...). but overall, yay! yay for physical therapy! yay for physical therapists! yay for progress & actually moving around & moving forward & just, well, moving. getting stuck on your couch for 3 months is not a fun place to be. you know what i'm sayin'... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 9th, 2008
10:47 pm	i give in ...i was informed this weekend, for a third time by as many individuals, that i didn't actually recount here what actually happened when i broke my leg. this was for various reasons, some of which are still valid, and some of which are not, but either way, it really won't be such a surprise when you hear it. you see, i broke my leg playing roller derby. ta-da! yes, thank you, please hold your applause 'til the end... it was january 9th, and my first real bout to boot, as i was just drafted onto a team (go Devil's Darlings!!) at the beginning of december... and if you think that's bad, just wait, it gets better. yes, that's right, you guessed it, it was my very first jam. not that i was jamming (to be clear), but it was the very first 2-minute session where i was out on the floor. we went around the track one full rotation, and when i came out of the far turn to the straightaway the 2nd time, i fell. now i know what you're thinking, but no, as far as i know, no one pushed or knocked me down. sadly, i think i locked skate wheels with someone on my right. i say i *think* b/c i don't really remember, and i haven't seen the video yet. so it's not like i can even look forward to kicking someone's ass when i get better (as if kicking someone's ass were something i do all the time, as if ass-kicking even ever took up a lot of thinking space in my brain before this...) in retribution. once i see the video, then i will know, but since no one else who was out on the floor at the time remembers seeing anything either, it seems like it was just a dumb accident. anyway, so yeah, i fell. and not in any of the good ways we're taught to fall so you don't get hurt, either. instead, i had to go & fall with my left leg somehow curled underneath me. this, not surprisingly, led to 3 spiral fractures in my lower left leg, 1 in my tibia just above my ankle, and 2 in my fibula, about midway up my calf. yay, me... *sigh*... when it happened, i am proud to say i did not cry. i felt a warm rush into the area (similar to the sensation of blood rushing to your face, if you've ever felt that) and i knew it was broken. even so, i tried to push myself off the floor a bit with my hands, only to see that my left leg was bending in a place that a leg is not supposed to bend, about 30 degrees left of straight ahead, if that makes any sense. my first thoughts? 'you gotta be kidding me! no way this just happened... i've been working for this for 7 months, just to get broken my first time out? thanks a lot irony; i can see you've been working overtime planning this one...' so yes, i was plenty angry. my next thoughts were, 'oh crap! my poor team! we're already short 2 girls & this is going to screw them!' that was all rushing through my head in between & stinging, screaming sensations from my leg, as they were bringing out the stretcher, getting guys to carry it, calling j down from the stands, etc. then they laid me down in front of the team bench & re-positioned my bones back to straight (OH F*ck!!) while a nurse talked to me & gave me commands & questions to answer to prevent me from going into shock. then they splinted my leg, stuffed me in the back of an ambulance, shot me up with morphine, and whisked me off to the hospital. when i got there, i had x-rays which showed the extent of the damage & i had surgery scheduled for the following night (don't ask...) once they operated & i woke up, the doc told me i now have a titanium rod in my leg from knee to ankle, secured to my tibia with 3 screws--hello, cyber-babe... the fibula he reasoned wouldn't heal any faster w/any kind of intervention than without, so he left that alone. but more on that later. in any case, they hooked me up with a 3-quarter cast that was open in the front & just closed off with gauze so they could get in there & check the screws or whatever & sent me home a couple of days later when i proved i could get in & out of bed, up & down a step, & to the powder room & back with a pair of crutches and/or walker. and what did i care about when i woke up & talked to the surgeon? would i be able to skate again, of course. which he expects will happpen, given some time. he told me maybe as early as may, but it will depend somewhat on how fast a healer i am. which, judging by my thumb surgery & other major injuries i've had in my life, is not that fast... so who knows... anyway, it's really been quite an ordeal, from having to eat every 2 hours & take anti-nausea meds just to keep the painkillers down the first couple of weeks, to not being able to stand up w/o searing pain in my leg due to muscle getting caught & torn on the stabby end of my lower fibula segment, to not being able to leave the house for 3+ weeks due to extreme fatigue & unbearable pain upon moving. i haven't been allowed to put more than a tip-toe balance pressure on my left leg for more than 2 months, which is great for the strength of my right leg, but not so great for getting ANYTHING done that doesn't involve sitting down. (showers are great fun with slippery surfaces--and yes, i got one of those grandma-benches to sit down on while i'm in there... *sigh* at least i'm not hearing or feeling--shudder, shudder, shudder--the bones in my lower left leg click against one another anymore.) flashforward into week 9 already, and though i've been getting to be a wee bit more active in weeks 6, 7 & 8, i suffered somewhat of a set-back this weekend. i was just at the surgeon's again last monday, wherein they took x-rays & told me things looked stable enough & my swelling is reduced enough that i could start to put *some* weight on my leg. some, in this case, is equivalent to ~30 or 40 lbs of pressure (and how does one determine what that is? enter one's bf's trusty bathroom scale). he told me i could start swimming if i wanted (pass--see note above about having to sit around & eat every 2 hours) & i could even start riding a stationary bike with low or no resistance w/o my boot on--yay! but then i had to go & do something stupid... yes, you know me. on friday, a friend came to pick me up to have lunch, and when i came home w/my box of leftovers, i hopped into the kitchen to put them in the fridge. only, somehow in my hurry, i lost my balance & came down right SMACK-DAB on my left leg. full weight, force enhanced due to speed, right square on my foot. so then i got freaked out & tried to hop quickly back onto my right foot, only to lose my balance AGAIN & land squarely on the left foot a SECOND TIME. so of course it hurt like all hell, so i called my two friends here who are experienced nurses & they came over to look at it & decided it was prob'ly ok, but 8 weeks is right on the borderline of being not-hard-enough vs. just hard-enough, in the world of bone recovery, and either way, i would want to make sure i didn't damage my hardware. so after calling the doctor's office & not getting a call back by the end of the day, j & my friend maggie trundled my newly-hurting-again leg to the emergency room. long story longer, after taking a zillion x-rays, that doc said my hardware looks pretty solid, not busted, but he would like to see more healing after 8 weeks, so he wants me to follow up w/the surgeon as soon as i can (that would be tomorrow) & in the meantime, go back to the tip-toe-weight-only policy. which is fine by me, as my ankle has been *killing* me all weekend, and it's only a steady influx of advil that has made it even bearable. so needless to say, i'm not terribly happy about this. if i jeopardized or lenghthened my recovery time b/c of my dumb hopping (which i'll have you know i did successfully dozens of times before that), when i've been so good about babying my leg all this time, i'm going to be even angrier at myself than i was after the initial break, if that's even possible. thus explaineth my foul mood & lack of communicative outreach since the start of 2008. apologies, all around. *sigh* shrieking violet out... Current Mood: cranky (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
12:18 am	what did you do tonight? i attended the idaho democratic caucus in boise tonight... never mind about the broken leg (even though i had to walk almost 4 blocks with my crutches); people were actually saluting me (verbally; not in a military fashion or anything) for making the effort to come out to show my support... i felt really proud & responsible & glad i made the effort, even though i am paying for it now (my leg is throbbing & has swollen up at least an inch in circumference, just from not having it elevated for the sum total of 6 hours--yikes!!)... despite my ambivalence, i knew i had to go. i just wasn't particularly looking forward to it... i knew it was important to hobble in & declare my support, publicly, for barack obama. it isn't so much that i have any strong love for obama over clinton; it's more that i have a lot of sorrow that my first & second choice candidates (kucinich & edwards, respectively) are both out of the race. after they both announced their withdrawals, i wrestled for several days with the decision of who to support, and the most important factor for me is that i feel--for various reasons--that obama has a better shot of beating mccain in november... but i struggled coming to terms with that, and with facing the fact that voting for one meant--practically speaking--voting against the other. however, i did get a little something back for my troubles & angst--when i got there, it was really heartening to be a part of such a crazy-huge & wildly enthusiastic turnout of democrats of all stripes & persuasions--we had more than 8,300* people from 2 districts alone. wowee-wow-wow-wow! *i know that prob'ly sounds paltry to some folks, but in proportion to the overall population in idaho (topping out at ~ 1 million souls), not to mention the fact that the caucus organizers were only expecting between 3-4,000 people to attend (which in itself would have been record-setting), it was pretty damn exciting. in fact, the guy sort of emcee-ing the show said we were the biggest caucus in the country tonight---that may not be exactly true, but i bet we were close! anyway, it felt pretty good, and so now i'm trying to gear myself up to pull 100% for obama going forward, even though the truth is that i would be fairly happy with either candidate being elected & i am fairly sure both are up to the task & would do a commendable job... i just worry about the republican smear machine & the fact that they have instilled such a chilling, irrational hatred of hillary clinton in the bones of some people who might only roust themselves out of bed to vote once in a century, to get up & out for this election, just to cast a vote against her... then again, i also worry about racist assholes who would do everything in their power to make sure a black man is not elected president in their lifetime... yes, i realize i may be too cynical for my own good these days... i don't know what to think at this point... i'm just sitting here looking at the returns coming in on cnn & coming down off my little buzz with the sad news of the tornado victims in the southeast, while still musing over the stirring feeling that comes from participating in such a public, powerful experience as being in a caucus... i generally tear up either on my way to, or from, the voting booth in your average election--i can't tell you how much more emotional it was to be there w/thousands of other people who were all feeling the same way... anyone else get all emo when it comes to exercising our freedom & duty to vote? anyone else seeing their sadness & compassion towards these tornado victims mingling with and inspiring their commitment to electing a leader who actually has the character & conviction to do something to help them in their plight & time of need? (i can't wait to see how dubya & co. screw this up tomorrow & beyond, as well... certainly, whatever is it, its no global climate change producing powerful,late-spring storms in early february... that's simply not possible... riiiight...) for my 1st time out of the house since leaving the hospital 3.5 weeks ago (excepting 2 doctor's appts), this was a pretty good re-entry into the world... not that i'll be looking to repeat it anytime soon (at least not all the walking part) until i heal up some more. still, i feel better going to bed tonight than i have since the night before the bout last month... and that's enough for now... Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: cnn pundits droning on in the background (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 2nd, 2007
12:51 pm	three things about yesterday 1) i drafted into our roller derby league-- i am now a proud member of the devil's darlings!! (looks like this icon was prophetic, no?) so watch out for me on the track... 2) i saw 'the darjeeling limited' and was pretty entertained. usually, owen wilson annoys me & i tend to want to smack him, but in this movie, his neuroses seemed payoff enough :) 3) my back hurt (and still does hurt) like anything. this seems as good a reason as any to needle j some more about getting a spa ;) and in news past, i have to apologize upfront for my carelessness in not contacting & wishing birthday wishes to all those i love & care for the past few months. recently, life has been a somewhat less-than-glamorous affair, and i've been absent from these parts b/c there was too much... now it seems like the opposite is true... i am here again b/c there is too much... and for anyone who may be still wondering, my skate name has been chosen. it's shrieking violet. so there. ok, must go get ready for today's ass-kicking... i mean, practice... Current Mood: bleary Current Music: kitties purring (2 Comments |Comment on this)